Monday, September 27, 2010

Personal, Pathetic, and Patient...

So lately I've had all kinds of things going on and I wish to share them with all of  the people reading this. Or basically just my computer screen, in case no one ends up reading this!

I'll start with a follow up from the last few things I've wrote about.

1. Similac is still not selling the powder form of my sons formula, so we have resorted to buying the liquid concentrate, which is more expensive. It's a bummer, but what can ya do? Hopefully they will get their act together soon and produce some bug free powder for us moms on a budget to purchase!
On the brighter side, my son is back to sleeping like a peaceful baby, hasn't been spitting up, and is happy as can be! On the downside, we haven't had any world war III diaper explosions, or even poop for that matter in two days, and I'm starting to worry! It's the days when your infant is constipated that you really wish he would have those diaper explosions!

2. All State, the insurance of the old folks who hit my parked car, has contacted me! They have accepted full responsibility (as they should, since I was not in my vehicle and it was parked in a parking lot) and they are going to cover full costs of the damage to my car. So I took my car into their offices, had the damage evaluated and will be taking it to a shop later this week to be fixed! WOOHOO on that!

3. We have been doing compression wraps on J's "strawberry" mark on his arm. It actually puts me at ease. I don't have to worry about his scratching at it or pulling on it and it bleeding profusely! The resident in the doctors office in Detroit called me and said that the doctor will be contacting the pediatrician this week, and I should find out about when he will be able to start the medication to hopefully get rid of these buggers! :) Makes me happy. Now lets hope I hear from him! Speaking of these marks I am reminded of a funny story, that I will throw in here for kicks and giggles!
About a month and a half ago I had to have emergency surgery to have my gallbladder removed, and was in the hospital for a week! While in the hospital, my mom was taking care of my son, working two jobs and trying to visit and comfort me. Two of the nights my mom had to work at night and took J to my cousins house to be watched. My cousin has a 4 year old son. J and my cousin were in the living room, and her son was in the kitchen. He said to his mom, COVER HIS DOT! The poor little boy refused to come around J until the "dot" was covered! He was terrified of this dot! It was absolutly adorable. It is now a standing joke at family functions, that the "DOT" must be hidden.

Now onto new news...
Lately I have been having some thoughts about my father. My parents divorced when I was three. I recall a time when I was little that my father was angry and threw a picture frame across the room, at what I recall to be my mother. Unfortunately this picture frame broke all over the place right in front of me. My father moved hours away, into the upper peninsula of Michigan, and my mother, my sister and I moved in with my Grandma and Papa. My dad would occasionally come and take us for the weekend. And by occasionally, I mean, when it was convenient for him, when he felt like it, when he wasn't too busy. My mom remarried when I was 6 (and had a son when I was 7) , and my father dated an old fling for a majority of my childhood. My sister was born with quite a few health problems. There is a white coating around everyone's brain and part of hers is missing, she has a form of Cerebral Palsy, she had cataracts and cornea scars (if I recall correctly), and she also has a heart murmur. I found out later in life, the doctors told my mother some issues could have been a result of my fathers physical abuse during my mothers pregnancy. (He sat on her while she was pregnant, among other things...) Most of my life, I grew up terribly jealous of my sister, because she was always the center of attention. Most of my life my dad favored my sister greatly. I now realize it is probably because he feels guilty for the issues he has caused. But does that make it okay? Anyways, when I was about 10 years old I recall my dad saying he wanted to pick JUST ME up for a weekend up north with him! I was over the moon. My father rarely visited by this time in my life, and I secretly hated it. I was sad I had no "real" father, and felt like he just didn't care. I jumped out of our pool, packed my bags immediately and waited on the couch by the front door. Mind you, he lives 3 hours away. I didn't care how long I would be sitting on that couch, I was too excited! About five hours later..still on that couch..refused dinner, refused tv, just wanted to wait..My father called and stated he had to work and would not be coming. I was heart broken..YET AGAIN. I was traumatized. I waited all day for that man. And he acted so nonchalant about the whole situation! I think it was that point in my life when I really gave up on him. The older I got, the more stories I had heard of not just the past but the present. My father was well off. He owned his own successful business, drove new cars, was adding onto his house, ect. Yet he rarely payed child support, and lied about his finanaces in order to pay as little as possible. My father was a scammer. He was wanted by the GVT. for taxes he hadn't payed down state, and he lied about how much money he made. I started to hate this man more and more every single day. Who was he? Who was he to think his children were of a convenience to him? And why did he have the right to never buy school clothes, pay doctors bills, or even CHILD SUPPORT! It was not just my mother and her family who disliked him.. It was his family too. This man was as fake as babrie in my eyes. At some time around 12 I completely stopped wanting anything to do with him. I refused Christmas cards, and I defiantly refused his CONVENIENT visits, once every three months or when he found time. At some point around the age of 16 my father called me and tried to "discipline" me over the phone. Telling me I was to young for a boyfriend, and I had better not be having sex, and I had better be getting good grades. It was just the cherry on top. I was over him. Good riddens!

Recently, I find myself angry. I'm angry at this angry! My husband tried to do the right thing by asking this NON EXISTENT FATHER OF MINE, for my hand in marriage, he said he didn't really care. My half-sister has two children now. Both of which he acknowledges far more then he ever acknowledged me. My father and I have not been on speaking terms for a very long time. But I now have an (almost) six month old son of my own. My father never once picked up a phone, wrote a letter, sent a card! He never once acted like he had a grandchild in this world that he could possibly congratulate his youngest child on! I get it, we don't speak, we haven't spoken, we don't communicate. But in my heart, there are certain things that "father" do, no matter what! My son was 7 weeks premature, and spent 23 days in the NICU. He was well aware of all of this. Did he care enough to pick up the phone and say "Congrats! How is he?" I didn't expect a call. But I expected something. A card? A baloon? For god sakes, an email! I got nothing. Not a thing. Not a word. Like I didn't exist and this baby was never born. At what point does a father stop caring about the past, and start being a man, and start trying to fix the future? I have the urge to write my father. I would like to enclose a couple pictures of my son, and simply state that at some point it would have been nice if he acknowledged my son. I'm not asking for him to come around, or be in either of our lives..I just wanted a congratulations, a how are you..a how is he? I want to let him know that I have the most beautiful, full of life little boy in the whole wide world, and it's a shame he is missing out! Am I wrong for that? After all, he is darlingly close with my two sisters.

Any who, to end my rant on that...
My husband told me he sent me a box! I'm over the moon ecstatic!
I cannot wait to recieve it! I am a BIG sucker for surprises, and he keeps telling me I'm going to love it!
Boy, that man sure does know how to excite a girl. I'm soo super impatient though! Hurry up USPS, I wanna rip that box open! I watch for the mail lady every single day in anticipation of that box! Infact, a couple days ago, she came into the building with a box, and I rushed down the stairs and said is THAT for appartment 6?! She replied with "'s for apartment 2." I was bummed. I dragged my sorry self back up the stairs and closed my door rather hard, as if it was her fault or something! haha.

In conclusion, the last 2 weeks have been a rollar coaster, and I'm holding on for the ride!
Tomorrow is Sons of Anarchy, so I pretty much plot my day around that!
Keep reading...if not...
Well, I'll keep typing to cyber space, and fooling myself into thinking someones reading!

Heres hoping for a better week!
<3 AA

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