Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Pity Party- Open Invite!

That's Right! I'm throwing a pity party, and you're all invited!

Last night, I went to sleep to the sound of a peaceful, calm, constant rain. It was almost beautiful. And if you know me, I'm not one to enjoy rain, or storms for that matter. In fact, thunderstorms scare my pretty little panties off. But this was a different kind of rain. It was diligent and soothing. It relaxed me beyond belief. I slept. I mean, really slept. Insomnia has taken over my life since the beginning of this deployment, and I've had very few nights of "real" sleep. But last night, that almost beautiful rain put me to sleep. * Okay, I'll be honest, I'm not one hundred percent convinced it was the rain..It could have been the lack of sleep I have had, the exhausting two weeks, or even the fact that I was just plain worn out.. But, I'd like to think it was the rain!

After awakening to the sound of my son babbling in his crib, I felt refreshed....for a second. Until I opened up the blinds and saw my surroundings. The sky was gloomy and dark. The rain was violent and harsh, and the wind was mind blowing. Gross. The flowers look dead, and the grass appears muddy. Thank you rain, for allowing me to love you for a whole night, before you ruined my day.

So with the let down of the rain, I got the boy up, turned on the radio, and fed him some breakfast. Every single song that played was a downer.
I'm talking...real downer.
Brian McKnight- Whenever you call... Thank you for reminding me I have not heard my husbands voice, and it will be days again, before I do.
Aerosmith- I don't want to miss a thing...Thank you for making me think about all of the things my husband is missing while on this long, stupid, deployment!
Lady Antebellum- Need you now...Thank you for pointing out just how much I could really use my husband right now.
Yep. That's right..Three in a row. True downers...And so, my pity party began.

My husband is deployed, my son is teething and hates the world, the rain is ugly and torturous, I still have to deal with a smashed up car, and my knee hurts like a mother effer. That's right.. I said it.. A MOTHER EFFER!

Any who, I continue on with my motherly duties. Get the boy burped, and dressed, and set him on his play mat with some toys. Pick up his cereal bottle, and bowl and head to the kitchen. Just to find that pile of bottles and bowls and spoons I so carelessly left in the sink last night because I was just so in love with the pitter-patter of the rain, and all I wanted to do was lay on the couch and look out the window at this ALMOST beautiful sight. So, now to tackle this stinkin' pile. I absolutely hate bowls of crusted mess. And what did I do in my euphoria of giddiness about the rain? Left my sons dinner cereal leftovers in his bowl and stacked it in the sink. SOMEONE decided to run some water in that bowl, and that cereal was now a hot crusted mess of gush on every single dish. LOVE MY LIFE at this point! So I get through with that, and head back into the living room and look at that dreaded over-flowing laundry basket of baby clothes that need to be washed. Now, usually laundry is my favorite household chore, but good god, when you have to walk three flights of stairs to get to the washer and dryer, that someone else in the building usually has left their laundry sitting in for at least eight hours..I HATE LAUNDRY. Oh how I miss my pretty little apartment where the laundry was quietly tucked away in a closet two steps from my living room. So you think I tackled that laundry basket? NOPE! I let it sit. I stared at it for a few minutes, and thought about how badly I need to conquer it, I considered the fact that there were only two cars in the parking lot, and hopefully no ones laundry would be down there..but I left it there..over flowing onto the floor, looking hideous. Oh well! Today is MY pity party, and I'm not doing anything I don't want to do.

Any who, the night before last, I went to the gym. I worked my ass off...I mean really...WORKED MY ASS OFF. I'm talking a "level 4 on the bike, level 5 on the elliptical" kind of worked my ass off. Not to mention I did floor work! I killed my abs, and my hips. Literally, I think their still laying there in Lifetime! I've never been one for much of a floor work out, but the personal trainers were up there doing some demonstrations, and I caught on. Planks, elevated ab twists, squats with weights on these balancing things. Oh lord, did I ever push myself. I left out feeling pretty damn good about myself. I never once told myself I couldn't do it, and I never quit before finishing the goal I had set... well okay, once I actually did. I was doing that exercise where you get down in the push up position and alternate bringing your legs up..ya know the ones..where it looks like your running on the ground? Anyways, I would do that for a minute, then switch to bicycle, then back. Well shit! After one round of these my knee was in dyer pain. I fell out- Like a private on their first road march after drinking too many beers the night before! I was done. My knee hated me! So I cooled down, and then headed home. My knee was still sore after a long hot bath, but I figured it would be fine.
Woke up yesterday, got up to get the baby...NO GO! My knee killed. I mean KILLED. I brushed it off, and figured it would be better today. Nope, woke up today...Probably ten times worse. I'm so disgusted with today. If it's not one thing, it is constantly another.

Regardless of today's pity party, I have decided to stay motivated about the gym, and life in general..After I'm done sulking today of course! Tonight is Sons of Anarchy, so I will be skipping the gym. And to be honest, if it wasn't SOA night, I'd probably skip anyways, because I'm busy sulking! But tomorrow, I'm hitting that gym just as hard as I did on Sunday. Minus the floor running, and the bicycle, because I don't feel like having a bad knee for the rest of my life. I'm also on the prowl for a good home work out, for the days when my mom can't watch the baby while I hit the gym, or SOA nights, or nights when it's grossly raining like it is today. I've decided to kick my own ass, every single week, until I look exactly how I want to. I'm so tired of being disgusted with how I look, and being envious of the skinny pretty girls, who care wear sweat pants and rags and look beautiful.
So my diet has began, and so far, so good. I worked my ass off at the gym- YES! And I'm looking for a home workout routine.- FANTASTIC!
Let's hope I can stick with this, and kick this weight. I'm staying positive -about THIS at least!

Now, I guess I should stop sulking, end my pity party, and do that damn laundry!
John Michael Montgomry- I can love you like that, just came on. And It's a nice contrast from all the downers I've been listening to all morning..
So on that note, I'm off to perk up, get things done, and play with the most handsome, energetic little boy in the whole wide world! After all, his smile is simply contagious, and I could sure use a nice smile right about now!

Check back later, and find out if this pity party has really ended, of if I'm just fooling myself.
Oh, and I hope you don't have this nasty ugly rain and wind in your neck of the woods.

<3 AA

Monday, September 27, 2010

Personal, Pathetic, and Patient...

So lately I've had all kinds of things going on and I wish to share them with all of  the people reading this. Or basically just my computer screen, in case no one ends up reading this!

I'll start with a follow up from the last few things I've wrote about.

1. Similac is still not selling the powder form of my sons formula, so we have resorted to buying the liquid concentrate, which is more expensive. It's a bummer, but what can ya do? Hopefully they will get their act together soon and produce some bug free powder for us moms on a budget to purchase!
On the brighter side, my son is back to sleeping like a peaceful baby, hasn't been spitting up, and is happy as can be! On the downside, we haven't had any world war III diaper explosions, or even poop for that matter in two days, and I'm starting to worry! It's the days when your infant is constipated that you really wish he would have those diaper explosions!

2. All State, the insurance of the old folks who hit my parked car, has contacted me! They have accepted full responsibility (as they should, since I was not in my vehicle and it was parked in a parking lot) and they are going to cover full costs of the damage to my car. So I took my car into their offices, had the damage evaluated and will be taking it to a shop later this week to be fixed! WOOHOO on that!

3. We have been doing compression wraps on J's "strawberry" mark on his arm. It actually puts me at ease. I don't have to worry about his scratching at it or pulling on it and it bleeding profusely! The resident in the doctors office in Detroit called me and said that the doctor will be contacting the pediatrician this week, and I should find out about when he will be able to start the medication to hopefully get rid of these buggers! :) Makes me happy. Now lets hope I hear from him! Speaking of these marks I am reminded of a funny story, that I will throw in here for kicks and giggles!
About a month and a half ago I had to have emergency surgery to have my gallbladder removed, and was in the hospital for a week! While in the hospital, my mom was taking care of my son, working two jobs and trying to visit and comfort me. Two of the nights my mom had to work at night and took J to my cousins house to be watched. My cousin has a 4 year old son. J and my cousin were in the living room, and her son was in the kitchen. He said to his mom, COVER HIS DOT! The poor little boy refused to come around J until the "dot" was covered! He was terrified of this dot! It was absolutly adorable. It is now a standing joke at family functions, that the "DOT" must be hidden.

Now onto new news...
Lately I have been having some thoughts about my father. My parents divorced when I was three. I recall a time when I was little that my father was angry and threw a picture frame across the room, at what I recall to be my mother. Unfortunately this picture frame broke all over the place right in front of me. My father moved hours away, into the upper peninsula of Michigan, and my mother, my sister and I moved in with my Grandma and Papa. My dad would occasionally come and take us for the weekend. And by occasionally, I mean, when it was convenient for him, when he felt like it, when he wasn't too busy. My mom remarried when I was 6 (and had a son when I was 7) , and my father dated an old fling for a majority of my childhood. My sister was born with quite a few health problems. There is a white coating around everyone's brain and part of hers is missing, she has a form of Cerebral Palsy, she had cataracts and cornea scars (if I recall correctly), and she also has a heart murmur. I found out later in life, the doctors told my mother some issues could have been a result of my fathers physical abuse during my mothers pregnancy. (He sat on her while she was pregnant, among other things...) Most of my life, I grew up terribly jealous of my sister, because she was always the center of attention. Most of my life my dad favored my sister greatly. I now realize it is probably because he feels guilty for the issues he has caused. But does that make it okay? Anyways, when I was about 10 years old I recall my dad saying he wanted to pick JUST ME up for a weekend up north with him! I was over the moon. My father rarely visited by this time in my life, and I secretly hated it. I was sad I had no "real" father, and felt like he just didn't care. I jumped out of our pool, packed my bags immediately and waited on the couch by the front door. Mind you, he lives 3 hours away. I didn't care how long I would be sitting on that couch, I was too excited! About five hours later..still on that couch..refused dinner, refused tv, just wanted to wait..My father called and stated he had to work and would not be coming. I was heart broken..YET AGAIN. I was traumatized. I waited all day for that man. And he acted so nonchalant about the whole situation! I think it was that point in my life when I really gave up on him. The older I got, the more stories I had heard of not just the past but the present. My father was well off. He owned his own successful business, drove new cars, was adding onto his house, ect. Yet he rarely payed child support, and lied about his finanaces in order to pay as little as possible. My father was a scammer. He was wanted by the GVT. for taxes he hadn't payed down state, and he lied about how much money he made. I started to hate this man more and more every single day. Who was he? Who was he to think his children were of a convenience to him? And why did he have the right to never buy school clothes, pay doctors bills, or even CHILD SUPPORT! It was not just my mother and her family who disliked him.. It was his family too. This man was as fake as babrie in my eyes. At some time around 12 I completely stopped wanting anything to do with him. I refused Christmas cards, and I defiantly refused his CONVENIENT visits, once every three months or when he found time. At some point around the age of 16 my father called me and tried to "discipline" me over the phone. Telling me I was to young for a boyfriend, and I had better not be having sex, and I had better be getting good grades. It was just the cherry on top. I was over him. Good riddens!

Recently, I find myself angry. I'm angry at this man...so angry! My husband tried to do the right thing by asking this NON EXISTENT FATHER OF MINE, for my hand in marriage, he said he didn't really care. My half-sister has two children now. Both of which he acknowledges far more then he ever acknowledged me. My father and I have not been on speaking terms for a very long time. But I now have an (almost) six month old son of my own. My father never once picked up a phone, wrote a letter, sent a card! He never once acted like he had a grandchild in this world that he could possibly congratulate his youngest child on! I get it, we don't speak, we haven't spoken, we don't communicate. But in my heart, there are certain things that "father" do, no matter what! My son was 7 weeks premature, and spent 23 days in the NICU. He was well aware of all of this. Did he care enough to pick up the phone and say "Congrats! How is he?" I didn't expect a call. But I expected something. A card? A baloon? For god sakes, an email! I got nothing. Not a thing. Not a word. Like I didn't exist and this baby was never born. At what point does a father stop caring about the past, and start being a man, and start trying to fix the future? I have the urge to write my father. I would like to enclose a couple pictures of my son, and simply state that at some point it would have been nice if he acknowledged my son. I'm not asking for him to come around, or be in either of our lives..I just wanted a congratulations, a how are you..a how is he? I want to let him know that I have the most beautiful, full of life little boy in the whole wide world, and it's a shame he is missing out! Am I wrong for that? After all, he is darlingly close with my two sisters.

Any who, to end my rant on that...
My husband told me he sent me a box! I'm over the moon ecstatic!
I cannot wait to recieve it! I am a BIG sucker for surprises, and he keeps telling me I'm going to love it!
Boy, that man sure does know how to excite a girl. I'm soo super impatient though! Hurry up USPS, I wanna rip that box open! I watch for the mail lady every single day in anticipation of that box! Infact, a couple days ago, she came into the building with a box, and I rushed down the stairs and said is THAT for appartment 6?! She replied with "Uhh....no mam..it's for apartment 2." I was bummed. I dragged my sorry self back up the stairs and closed my door rather hard, as if it was her fault or something! haha.

In conclusion, the last 2 weeks have been a rollar coaster, and I'm holding on for the ride!
Tomorrow is Sons of Anarchy, so I pretty much plot my day around that!
Keep reading...if not...
Well, I'll keep typing to cyber space, and fooling myself into thinking someones reading!

Heres hoping for a better week!
<3 AA

Friday, September 24, 2010

Bored enough to do this....

That's right! I'm bored enough to do another one of these exciting little things!
I'm not sure who I swooped this up from..but if it was you..
Thank you for curing me...(for just a few minutes) of pure boredness. (Yes, I'm aware that is no real word.)

1. What is your favorite no-frills meal?
Grilled Chicken! Throw it on the Georgy Forman (as I like to call it). Cook it up 8 minutes..and serve it with.. well just about anything...On a salad, with a soup, with a veggie, or all alone!

2. What is your favorite picture? Post it!
I have far to many favorites. However, I will pick just a couple..

3. Do you prefer flip flops, boots, sneakers or heels?
Flip flops please. I would wear them all year round if I didn't get such funny looks when I do! :p
I love flip flops. Their comfortable, and convenient. 

4. Where is your favorite place to vacation?
I've never really been on a real vacation! I would love to see the country. The whole country. My tops picks of places to go would have to be...
1. New York
2. California
3. Chicago
4. Florida
5.  NEW ORLEANS... Actually this is probably more twords the top of the list.

And if we're talking about out of the country...
1. Italy
2. Mexico
3. Ireland

5. Do you sleep on your back, side or stomach?
Well, usually my side. But sometimes my back..Most of the time, I'm all over the place!

6. Do you own any television series box sets.
I have the first two seasons of Sons of Anarchy...

7. Do you have any hidden talents?
Nope. No special hidden talents here.

8. Who is your best friend?
My husband of course, and Andrea (my "bff" from high school). Also my mom. Since I moved away, got married and had a baby, my mom and I have gotten so much closer. We do butt heads sometimes now that J and I are living in her two bedroom apartment with my brother and her, but we're still extremely close, and I think the distance did us wonders for our relationship!
I do have to say, that my "Bff" in Clarksville is Nadine. She's been a great friend, and we've stayed close through this deployment!
ANDDDD as if that wasn't enough BFFS
I love Fawn to death. She is now in Cali, however she used to be at Fort Campbell with us. She is a great person, and we still stay connected even though they are out of the army and so far away! When my husband returns from deployment, we look forward to a trip *with Jax in tow* to Cali to visit them! I miss them and baby frank (who isn't even a baby anymore, but the name stuck!) ohhhh soo much! <3

1. What is your favorite sport? What's your favorite team in that sport?
I love watching and attending hockey games with my husband! WOOHOO RED WINGS!

2. What's your favorite color to wear?
Black. Black. and Black.

3. What do you spend most of your free time doing?
Hi, my name is alyssa, and I'm a facebook addict. Especially since my husband is gone. I spend most of my free time on Facebook, or blogging, or reading! That is when I'm not busy shopping and spoiling my son!

4. If you could spend one hour with one person - past or present - who would it be and why?
Right about now, my husband. It seems like he has been gone soooooo long, when in reality it has only been four months!
If I can't pick him, then it'd be my uncle. He passed away unexpectidly, and I'd like to spend an hour with him, introducing him to my son. (whose middle name is David, after my uncle!)

5. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you "grew up?"

A nurse. I still would love to be. If school wasn't so expensive and took so long. And I could get over my fear of BLOOD!

6. What is one place that you've always wanted to visit but haven't been able to yet?
*See Above. I have given an extensive list! haha.

7. Name one movie you could watch over and over and over again and never get tired of.
The Ladies Man. HA- LARIOUS!

Well, I'm off now. My laptop battery is flashing, and it's going to die at any time.

Is there anyone out there?
IF SO... Check back later. 

<3 AA

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Terrible, Horrible, Rediculous!

As if my husband being in a war zone, and my son teething wasn't enough?
 Well...Where to begin?

I'll start with yesterday. My son has three Hemangiomas. One on his arm, one on his neck, and one on his scalp. The one on his neck, and the one on his scalp are rather un-noticeable. However, the one on his arm, is ever present. They are not harmful, nor do they affect his health. Thank goodness! So yesterday my son and I were off to the second dermatologist we were referred to, to find out about possible treatments. All was well, except they just referred us to another dermatologist, after telling me about ten different things that could be wrong, or come from these marks. Supposedly this next doctor is the only one in the state specializing in these marks. Who, of course, does not accept my insurance. However, I was told to pay out of pocket, because it was "well worth it", for him to be seen by this doctor. Okay.. so we leave there, go home, feed J, off to the post office, mail daddy a box. Now on to my doctors appointment. My appointment was at 3 pm . After arriving at 2:30, I am called into the office at 3:30. At 3:45, (still not seen by the doctor) a nurse comes in and asks if my car has TN plates. I say yes, she says, well in that case, an elderly man just smashed your car in the parking lot, leave your baby here, I'll watch him, go check it out. So I go down the 3 flights of steps to find a man atleast 75 years old. He says, "Oh little lady, my foot just slipped off the brake and onto the gas pedal." I look at my car, and just sob. My eyes fill with  tears, and all I can think about is how much my husband loves his car. So they say, finish your appointment and we will follow you to the police station to file a report. They come upstairs with me, give me all their information and respectively wait in the waiting room. I finish my appointment, and then follow these folks to the police station. The drive alone took forty five minutes due to traffic.. WONDERFUL.
I get a message on my phone from my husband. I let him know what happens, he's not upset. Thank goodness. I was so worried, he was going to be pissed off!
So then we get home, and my poor baby is just screaming. I mean hysterically screaming....Kicking his legs and all.  This continues on and off all night. My son has been teething for about a week now. He's been chewing on his hand and drooling like crazy! So I chalk it up to just teething discomfort.
This morning I call this "SPECIAL DOCTOR". I get his scheduling office. They take all of my information and say oh, you're in luck, his next available appointment isn't until the end of October, but someone JUST canceled, can you be there in an hour?  Okay, where it located? DETROIT! That will take me 45 minutes. So I rush, get the baby together, load up the car, set the GPS, and I'm off. We make it just in time.. Or so I think. Park the car in the parking garage. I was told the doctor is located on the 8th floor of Henry Ford Hospital. So Get Jax into his stroller and up the elevator to the 8th floor... Just to see a sign that says, "Dr. Shwayder's office has been moved to the 8th floor of the New City Center across the street." Ohhhh GREAT! So down the elevator, out the door, and across the busiest street in Detroit with a baby stroller, a screaming baby, a diaper bag, a folder with doctors papers, and a ringing phone. Are you kidding? Wasn't this enough stress? So we get there. We wait..and we wait.. Finally, they call us in. The nurse asks me ten questions then says she will be back with a baby gown for him to change into. Not even two seconds later Jaxson spits up all down the front of himself, and me. WONDERFUL. Forty-five minutes go by..I'm getting more and more impatient. I go to the desk, I ask the lady if they forgot about us...she says Oh no mam, actually the appointment was already booked, but not updated with his scheduling office, so he is double booked, he should be right in...Mmmhmm..GREAT! So another 20 minutes and finally a resident doctor comes in. Asks me the same ten questions, then says the Dr will be in shortly...As if I believed that at this point. Ten minutes later, FINALLY! A doctor, the resident, and two students. Just what I need. 5 adults and a baby in a room the size of my closet. The doctor goes over all the possible treatments, some basic information about the marks, and shows me on his computer the progress that has been made in recent studies about these marks. The pictures are overly convincing and give me hopes that these will be gone and done with before we know it!
He decides beta blocker medication (which has had amazing results, with little to no risk) will be the best option for little Jaxson. He tells me he would like me to come back once a month for the next year. Yeah okay, at the rate of 270$ a visit, OUT OF POCKET! I explain he doesn't accept my insurance, and I'm not sure we can afford such a thing. He tells me he will contact Jaxsons pedi, and see how he feels about following up with the treatment, and only coming back in six months to see him. That sounds much more reasonable to me. He then tells me pressure wraps will also help to reduce the puffiness of the mark on his arm. So he shows me how to wrap his arm, and tells me to keep him wrapped 24/7, and only undo these wraps for baths. Okay! So that's great news. His hemangioms are not growing on the inside, and their simply common birthmarks. I'm ecstatic. I finally get a sigh of relief. Pay my dues(which were outrageous!), and out the door we go..Cross the street. Get to my car.
Pull out into the lovely streets of Detroit. My mom calls me. I cant get to my phone and people are crossing the street left and right. Finally I get to my phone. Four missed calls. She calls again, I pick up.

She then tells me Similac, has recalled a whole bunch of formula, and to check Jaxsons when we get home.. OH GREAT. My baby is now screaming, he's hungry. I turn on my GPS, hit the home button and it tells me... "turn right, enter lodge on right" Oh okay. Onto the lodge I get, I look around, looks like im going out of the city. WTF? So I look at my gps. It tells me to continue 52 miles to the Ohio turnpike. LOVELY. My gps is set for TN as home, and not my moms house. So I change the address. "exit first exit on right." Oh okay, well if MI didn't have construction cones up for the next 15 miles, (WITH NO ONE WORKING...) then I could of. However, I had to drive 15 miles twords Ohio before being able to get off the expressway. Now..my gas warning comes on. Great. In Detroit. No gas. Pull over. Get gas. Back in my car. Back on the expressway. Get about 20 miles, (so basically where I started) Just to be in dead stopped traffic with a screaming, hungry baby.

Finally after an hour and ten minutes in traffic, we get home. I check my sons formula. YEP RECALLED. For what you may ask? BEETLE AND BEETLE LARVA CONTAMINATION! So for the last week, I have been feeding my poor son, formula with a side of beetle contamination. GREAT. I cry some more. Because what the hell else could go wrong? So I call his pediatricians after hours answering service, and they tell me Dr. V will call me back. Calls back immediately. ( I love his pedi, he's wonderful) I explain what has happened, and he reassures me everything will be fine, and I don't need to rush my son to the ER like I was prepared to do. He tells me I must however toss every single bottle, bowl, spoon, formula container, travel case. ANYTHING that came into contact with his formula had to be replaced, and that I should bring him into the office tomorrow. So with a screaming, hungry, baby with a tummy ache, I'm off to babies r us! Where swarms of mom are scowering the bottle isle, and the formula isle. Similac has pulled all of their powder, so you can only buy liquid concentrate (because their liquid was not affected), which we all know is twice as expensive as the powder. Oh well, I suck it up. Get Jax new bottles, formula, spoons, bowls and formula travel case. 120 some dollars later, we're out the door. And I'm positive every person in the store was glad to see me and my screaming son go. I get home, scrub a new bottle, and feed my poor boy. And a smile I have not seen in three days plants itself on his face. WHEW! I'm so relieved to see that! My poor baby is now swinging away and content as can be...Thank goodness. I can't even imagine what tomorrow has in store for me!
All in all, my sons marks are harmless, the specialist was wonderful...(and well worth it I have to admit), and we've got new "un-tainted" formula... So, here's hoping everyone out there has had a better two days then me, and that tomorrow is much less hectic and traumatizing...


Monday, September 20, 2010

Me and You

I stumbled upon this pretty little survey and decided to fill it out. This is all about My Lovie and I. <3

1. What are your middle names?
Noelle and Marcus

2. How long have you been together?
Seven years, Married for two in December.

3. How long did you know each other before you started dating?
A few months! We were best friends before we dated.

4. Who asked who out?
My husband asked me to "be his girlfriend" three times. And I said no way.
I was terrified. We were young, and I was not about to fall in love.
But eventually, I couldn't help but fall for him.
And here we are seven years, one wedding, one baby, later.
And I wouldn't change it for the world.

5. How old are each of you?
He is 22 and I will be 21 in December.

6. Did you go to the same school?
Same High School.

7. Are you from the same home town?
Sure are!

8. Who is the smartest?
We're both smart about different things.
He's smart about his job, and he's book smart.
I'm more in the moment, solve the problem kind of smart.

9. Who majored in what?
Neither of us went to college.
My husband is an awesome Soldier.
And I am majoring in mother and wife.
Eventually both of us would like to do the college thing.

10. Who is the most sensitive?
Me. By far. Without a doubt.

11. Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
We traveled home from Georgia together, when he graduated AIT.
And we travel between TN and MI all the time.

12. Who has the worst temper?
We're both pretty hot headed.

13. How many children do you want?
I would love to have four babies, while my husband wants two.I always tell him we can compromise for three, and I'll hope for twins! ;) haha.

14. Who does the cooking?
I do a majority of the cooking. But my husband doesn't mind helping out sometimes.

15. Who is more social?
My husband. By far. He can make friends with anyone.
I'm more laid back and kept to myself.
But once you get to know me, I'm very outgoing.
I guess you could say, he makes friends easier then I do..
And I'm more comfortable around people I know.

16. Who is the neat freak?
We both have our days. My husband is the type to come home, take off his uniform and throw it on the floor, and he will let it lay untill...well.. untill I pick it up, or he needs to wear it.
But then he has days where he turns on the radio and cleans his mind out.
I don't mind a little messy..because it's messy in my own way.. I like my things where I know where they are. So while my closet may be a pile, I know exactly where the shirt I'm looking for -is... in that pile. If that makes any sense.

17. Who is the most stubborn?
We're both pretty stubborn, but I think my husband might take the cake on this one.

18. Who wakes up earlier?
During the week, MY HUSBAND for sure. But weekends.. oh man. He could sleep the day away.I would win this if he wasn't in the army, but his job calls for an early wake up.

19. Where was your first date?
Well we met at my moms house, through a mutual friend.
After that we kind of hung out all over.
I guess our first "REAL" date was homecoming!

20. Who has the bigger family?
I do.

21. Do you get flowers often?
I get them occasionally.

22. How do you spend the holidays?
We usually travel from TN to MI, to be with our families. I'm looking forward to making new family traditions next year, when he is home from deployment and our little family is all together. <3

23. Who is more jealous?
I am. No questions asked.
My husband is much more secure then I am.

24. How long did it take to get serious?
I was serious from the get go.
He came trotting along later on.

25. Who eats more?
My husband can eat and eat and gain no weight.

26. What do you do for a living?
He is a hero, and I'm superwoman.
He is an army infantryman, and I'm a stay at home mommy and wife.
My duties include, sending packages, changing diapers, paying bills, and staying sane for his return!

27. Who does the laundry?
I do. But he doesn't mind throwing a load in- need be.

28. Who's better with the computer?
My husband, for sure.

29. Who drives when you are together?
He does.
Especially for the road trips.

30. What is your song?
Every Step You Take. Has been since we met.

Freeing My Mind and Wasting Time

One of the ladies I came across on Military Spouse Blogs posted about the 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind. I fell in love with this concept and followed her link to the website. I will now.."Free My Mind.."

"These questions have no right or wrong answers.
Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer."
  1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
    I would have to be at least 30. I'm not joking around here. In my mind I dream of being such a wonderful housewife. Ya know the type. The ones from the fifties. My husband told me if we were all born in another life, I'd be a house wife from the fifties. I dream of having one of those fancy little housewife dresses on, and when my husband walks through the door, my hands are dressed with two oven mitts and the hot dish I just pulled from the oven, ready perfectly on time for his arrival. In all truth I'm a 20 year old army wife with an almost six month old baby. Dinner is never done on time, and I don't wear dresses. EVER. But maybe by the time I'm really 30, I'll be a much better housewife.
  2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
    I have done my fair share of both. And while my head keeps telling me the answer to this question is never trying..my heart tells me the answer is failing. I think failing is like rejection. I tried it, I gave it my all..and I sucked horribly. If I never try, at least I don't have to feel like I lost. If I never try, I can put it in the back of my mind, and conciously forget I ever wanted to attempt it. If I fail. It's plain as day, right there- in my face.
  3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
    Because we are human. We make mistakes, we make poor decisions, we do things we never thought we would do, and we never do things we intended on doing. That's just life. Sometimes the wrong answer is the easy answer, and sometimes life gets the best of us, and our intentions are never followed through on.
  4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
    Not if I have my way. I have so many aspirations for my future. I have so many things I dream of accomplishing, and if I accomplish even half..I'll be okay with that. I want to make my world of people proud of me. Most importantly my son and my husband. But also, truly...myself.
  5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
    I feel as if the whole world is unhappy. No one is ever content with what they have. People too often (myself included) take things for granted, and don't appreciate the things and people in their lives. We are all fortunate enough to breathe another breath, and dream a bigger dream. Today's divorce rate is sickening. People have decided to always look for better, in my opinion. People to often forget why they once fell in-love, stop caring about making things work, and appreciating the person who has committed themselves to the other. Love is a choice. If you choose to give up, look elsewhere, stray, wonder, or all together give up. When did our country decide divorcing was so normal? When did people decide that giving up and looking elsewhere was okay? I understand, some people change. Some people turn into someone they once were not. But really America, why must our whole world divorce? This is tragically sad to me. Truly. I hate the D word. I hate it spoken, I hate it threatened, and I more so hate it happening.
  6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
    Love. No questions asked. I love being in love. I love loving. I love showing my love. I love-....LOVE!
    I will not pretend to be the most lovey-dovey person in the world, however, I love being in love. Without love I would be lost. My husband whole-heatedly is the center of my heart. We may not always be flowers and rainbows, but we are always in love. The worst of the worst experiences have not torn us apart, and I'd like to believe they never will. My husband truly is my rock, and my soul mate. I gave my heart to him seven years ago, and he will have it until the day I'm in the ground. He makes my heart beat, and he puts the light in my eyes. I breathe for my son and my husband. So if the national currency were LOVE, I would be the richest person walking this earth.
  7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
    I'd say truthfully I am doing both. At this exact moment in my life, I am settling for what I'm doing. I'm being a wife, and a mommy, and I'm putting me on the back burner...but with all honesty...THATS WHAT I BELIEVE IN. I believe I am second to my family at this moment in time. The most important thing to me right now, is raising and taking care of my son, and supporting my husband who has given up years of his life to do a job he believes in. I would love to be in school, acheving personal greatness.. making something wonderfully admire-able out of myself, but to me, that's not as important as taking care of my family. So when my husband comes home, I long to work out a schedule in which I can attend school, and he can spend time alone with our son. I hate the concept of day-care but realize it will be somewhat necessary. Oh, am I sidetracked again? Back to the question.. I'm doing both.. because they have crossed paths.. I'm settling for putting MYSELF on the backseat, BECAUSE that is what I believe in.
  8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
    I would steal my husband from the army..because the hell if a deployment or 5 is going to steal years out of my 40 years of life. There's just not enough time in 40 years to be spent away from him. Lets just face the facts. I'll live much longer then 40 years.. (atleast I HOPE I do.) and as it is, I hate spending a year on end without that man beside me. I hold on to every single second I have with him, which I realize now, is probably overbearing..and I'm sure he cannot stand it. But when the smell of deployment fills my home, the smell of my husband begins to fade. I want every single second I can have with him...as if I will miss out on a breath he takes. I'm in panic mode. So if I had only forty years.. My husband would not be spending years in far off lands, oh and I'd have more babies, RIGHT AWAY. I'd go to school. I'd make something of myself, something he would be proud of. I'd take a million pictures for my babies to have. And I'd get a good life insurance policy so at least my kids had good money to live up the remainder of their forty years!
  9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
    Life is full of fate and decisions in my mind. It's a fifty fifty. Sometimes we make choices, and sometimes we react to situations. Sometimes we let fate take us where we're going, and other times, we choose the path we wish to follow. My life is a combination of both things. Decisions. And. Fate.
  10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
    I'm actually a worry wart. And I'm equally worried about both things. I think all people fear being judged, and all people fear rejection. We want everyone to see that we are doing everything correctly. But who does everything perfect? Doing the right thing makes me feel good. For instance, I was at the drug store the other day picking up a proscription and milk, and gas drops for my son. The man forgot to ring up the 8$ gas drops, so when he told me my total I knew it was wrong. I pointed it out. For the remainder of the day, I felt good about that. So many people in the world today, would have celebrated the fact that they had 8 extra dollars in their pocket. I spent my day celebrating my honesty.
  11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?
    I'm going to be disgustingly honest here. Judge me all you want.. I don't say anything. Does that make me a bad friends? I hate being the odd one out. I hate feeling like the elephant in the room. I of course don't join in on this blabber..but I don't defend either. I'm a terrible friend. But at least I'm honest. If this were a friend I was extremely close with..I'd mouth up and bite the bullet.. but if it's just a kind-of-friend.. I truthfully keep my mind shut, and move on with my day... okay, stop judging me now..
  12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
    Follow your heart. Not your head.
  13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
    Without a doubt..without a second thought.
  14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
    I hate the word insanity. I think creativity is beautiful, in all shapes. So I'm not quite sure how to answer this question. I think creativity is what makes a person beautiful. I have been with people who see a woman completely covered in tattoos..when they crack a joke, or say eww.. or even "what the hell was she thinking", I can't help but think.. "She was thinking she does what she wants, that she is fully in control of her body and won't allow peoples judgments to stop her from doing what she wants to do." So I guess, the truth is, I see beauty in peoples own creativity, even if other people consider it insane! :)
  15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
    I prefer to brush my teeth in the shower. And I fancy putting ketchup or ranch on anything and EVERYTHING.
  16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
    Because everyone has their own vision, and opinion. No two people see everything exactly the same. It is all fuzzy and warm to think that people who love us will be happy that we are happy..but the truth is.. more times then not.. that is not the case! People always want everyone to do things they would approve of.. or do things how they would do them. I think relationships are composed of compromise. While you must be yourself, and do things to make your self happy, you must also compromise in order to be a whole.  At some point in your life, you have to find an equal medium between making yourself happy, and keeping those who matter to you happy.
  17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What's holding you back?
    I would love to go to hair school. I would love it. I love hair. I love my hair, other peoples hair. Hair. Hair. Hair. My husband is deployed and my son is not even six months old. This dream is on hold until a more convenient time. Perhaps, when my husband comes home, and my son is a year old..and we can work out a schedule between day care and my husband.. then this dream will become a reality. Until then, I'm more then happy to be a stay at home mommy, and not miss a single second of my sons first year of life..and not miss a single phone call or instant message from my husband- who is worlds away.
  18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
    Don't we all? Isn't our past always a part of us? No matter how damaging or derogatory it may be.. I think it's always going to be there..lurking in the cobwebs of our brains. I think it's okay told hold on, as long as what you're holding onto helps make you a better you in the future.
  19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
    I'm currently in Michigan. Staying with my mom until just before the end of this deployment. But trust me, I'd much rather be in Tennessee. I think I was meant to be born there. The people are friendly. The countryside is beautiful, and the weather is to die for. If I had my way, we'd never live in Michigan again. I always tell my husband, I enjoy being far enough away to miss Michigan, and close enough to visit.
  20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
    I push it once. And I'm absolutely positive, that pushing it multiple times, will not make it go any faster. I just think people have a lack of patience these days.
  21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
    A joyful simpleton. I worry enough as it is...and I'm far from genius. But I wouldn't wish the worry wart gene on anyone. If you let worrying take over your life, you will never really live...so what good would it be to a genius, who does nothing but worry?!
  22. Why are you, you?
    I am a perfect compilation of my past, and my future. I say this because I think every event in your life, helps shape you into who you are today. However I also think your dreams and goals and aspirations help make you exactly who you want to be. So I am me because of my dreams, and because of my adventures and experiences.
  23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
    Honestly, Not always. But when I have a true friend, who means the world to me, and I can truly rely on and trust, I put stock into that. I give then my heart, and I am always there. No one is perfect. I have always preferred to stay at my own home. I have always wanted my friends to come to me. I have often turned down plans and activities, in order to sit home and do nothing. I can't explain why.. but I often regret it. I will come up with the lamest of lame excuses. Oh I think I'm getting a cold.. I have to go grocery shopping..I'm waiting for a package in the mail, that I must sign for.. Ect. ect.
  24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
    Loosing touch with a good friend who lives right near you. As an army wife, I know the day will come when I see a good friend PCS. or when we ourselves PCS. I have already watched great friends get out of the army and move back to their hometown. How sad. I miss those friends all the time. But we still talk. We still keep in contact, and we in fact plan to visit, when my dear hubby comes home. So I say loosing touch with someone who is right there is the worst. That person is missing from your life.
  25. What are you most grateful for?
    My son. My son makes me see the world in a whole nother light. I have a new appreciation for all things, and I have learned so much about myself during this journey of motherhood I am on. Being a mom is the most rewarding (and hardest) thing I have ever done. He is by far the biggest blessing I have ever been given.
  26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
    This is really tough. I guess I would rather loose all my old memories. Because I have only been married for a year and a half, and my son is only 5 months old. Both my marriage and my son have so much to show me in the future, and I can't wake to make beautiful memories with both.
  27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
    I think that people choose to challenge the truth, because they have doubt. Some people find it nessicary to have every ounce of proof, before they believe anything..or they have to "see it for themselves" so to say. But, yes..it is possible.
  28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
    No. And I'm grateful for that every single day.
  29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?
    No. Life goes on. Things hurt, and they hurt for a while. But can I tell you what I was hurting over five years ago? Sure I can generalize.. but specifically? No. Maybe I have been blessed with less life changing, traumatizing, events in my life. But truthfully I'm trying to live my life looking forward, and not backwords.
  30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?
    Honestly, I did not have a bad childhood. But nothing sticks out in my mind. There was nothing overly spectacular. We did not take big family vacations, have family reunions or do extravagant things. I'd never left my home state, until my husband was in boot camp. My childhood truly did not have a spectacular moment that is near and dear to my heart, as sad as that sounds.
  31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
    I would have to say in the fist few weeks of my husbands deployment I felt the most passionate and alive. I rediscovered reasons for which I loved him. I began missing the little things that I never realized I even cared about. My heart ached for my husband, which was a nice change from arguing over bills, and stress, and worrying about having everything ready for this deployment. While it hurt so terribly to miss every little thing, it made me fall in love with my husband all over again. Funny how things like this happen.. Your husband leaves for Afghanistan, and all of a sudden a new appreciation for the little things that you miss.. suddenly your more in love with him, then the day you married him.
  32. If not now, then when?
    I'm such a bad example for this question. I love to plan things out. Down to the tee. And then I procrastinate and ruin my plan! Ugh... I guess my answer to this is as follows:
    People do things on their own time, when it's good for them, when it will work, when it's convenient, or when they finally kick themselves in the ass and force themselves to perform. So if not now...Whenever you get around to it!
  33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
    Confidence. The fear of never achieving, I think keeps people from trying. The only thing worse then not trying, is failing miserably.
  34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
    Honestly, no. I am a very emotional person. I like to hear things verbalized to me. I want to hear how you feel, how much you love me, or hate me, or what is bothering you. I don't like things implied, and I hate reading between the lines.
  35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
    I do not like this question, and I am choosing to not answer it.
  36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
    Of course, because good and evil are all in the eyes of the beholder. You may perceive good in something I perceive evil. Everything in life, is all about how you see it.
  37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
    I'm currently a stay at home mother, so No. I would not quit my job, because being a stay at home mom is the best thing I have ever done. I wouldn't want a nanny. I wouldn't want a sitter. But I wouldn't mind hiring a maid! ;)
  38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
    I would rather have more work I enjoy, then do less work, that I hate.
  39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
    Sometime, I truly do. This deployment "routine" just isn't for me. I enjoy the everyday adventure of having my husband home. I enjoy spending time with friends, and mostly my husband. I enjoy having that person to talk to every single day. Since this deployment, it's me and the boy, against the world. We do live with my mom, but she works two jobs, and I rarely see her. I miss my beautiful TN. I miss having friends going through the same things, and I miss being on my own.. with space of my own, and a life of my own. I long for the change of scenery, the change of space, and well..quite honestly, to sleep on a mattress and not a couch.I long for adult conversation, and my husbands touch. But mostly just to have my own space, and be able to spread my wings once more.
  40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
    My husband and I had dated all through high school. Up's and down's. Breakups, and makeups. He left for Iraq, and we stayed together, broke up, were kind of together, broke up. We always loved each other. That was the constant in our relationship. When my husband returned home from Iraq, on a whim he asked me to drive the 10 hours to come and see him, through the night. I did it. We were technically broken up..(at least I think we were?) Anyhow, I spent two nights there, and when it came time to leave, he asked me to stay one more. So I did. I called into the job I took ever-so seriously.. I called my mom and pissed her off.. and I stayed. We drove back to MI that next day. And it was then and there we decided we were getting married. We didn't want to spend more time apart. I didn't want him going back to Fort Campbell and me staying in Michigan. I didn't want to continue to ride this roller coaster separate.  I told my mother, she was against me moving there. I spoke nothing of this marriage we had secretly planned. But I went. He did not tell his family I was coming. A couple short days later, my husband and I wed. Alone. On a night with a beautiful, simple, slow snowfall. Probably the most beautiful snow I ever witnessed fall in Tennessee. When the secret was out, people were angry, sad, hurt. But in the end, I followed my heart, I believed so much in this man, and our relationship and our future and the love we had shared all of thees years, that I was proud of the choice we made. It was the first time in our lives, and our relationship, that truly no ones opinion mattered, and we did what we did solely for us. In December we will have been married for two years. We have the most full of life, handsome 5 month old son. And I'd say we love each other more today then we did the day we married. I have found a new appreciation for my husband, since he left, and I would not change a thing about the way we "ran off and married".
  41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
    I would spend tonight closely enclosed with my son and my husband and the closest of our family members.
  42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
    No. That's superficial. I think God chooses when we come and when we go. He chooses what we look like and what we do with our lives. Who am I to trade ten years of the life God has given me for fame or beauty?
  43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
    Everyone breathing, is alive. To truly live, is to make your life what you want it to be, to follow your dreams, to be happy and blissful, to enjoy each day, and make memories, not just moments.
  44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
    I think calculating risk and reward makes life to stressful. Follow your heart, do what you know is right!
  45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
    Because making a mistaken feels like a failure. We don't see the lesson in the mistake until we have gotten over the feeling of failing, and have moved on.
  46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
    I would write a book, spilling my entire past. Every corner of my memory spilled into words on pages for the world to read.
  47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
    HA! When I was giving birth to my son. BREATH...BREATH..."I'm breathing..don't you fools hear me?"
  48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
    I love my husband. I love my son. Just a couple days ago I mailed something out to my husband to try to express my love him and show him, just what he means to me. I think he will love what this surprise is, and I'm hoping it shows him a new aspect of just how much I care for him, especially when he is so far away.
  49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?
    Sadly, no. The last few days have been just another day. I could have walked through them with my eyes closed. Nothing major happened. Nothing exciting took place, and nothing memorable happened.
  50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
    I'd say my life is a fair mixture of both. I am a fine friend of compromise. I think you cannot exist in a marriage without compromise, and compassion. They are to very important factors. I never ever make a major decision without my husbands input and point of view. At the end of the day, no decision will be as important as having my husband by my side, therefore his input and opinion matter greatly to me, and weigh heavily on each decision I make.

    And now...My Mind Is Free..

    More question and answers to come later.

    But right now, my son is unhappy and fussy, so I'm off to pick him up, spoil him, and baby him. After all he is teething, five months old, and the light of my life..he deserves to be spoiled a little every now and then... every minute of every single day! :)

    Peace And Love
    <3 AA