Sunday, June 24, 2012

In with the Old Pt. 2

If you didn't see part one, I am posting a few pieces out of my high school writing binder. All of these pieces are four or more years old, but I have held onto them all this time because they were all fairly important to me.

Face the World

Warm light shines obnoxiously through the cracks between the blinds. Tick...tick....tick....beep...beep...beep... Red light consumes her eyes 6:00 AM shines too brightly in her face. Beep...beep....snooze!
Blankets cover her face to hide the intolerable, awakening brightness.
Tick...tick...tick...and before she knew it...BEEP...BEEP! Red lights again. Six ten.
Blankets gather at the end of the bed, hair a mess. Yesterdays makeup smears don't hide the lack of confidence plastered on her face.
Faucets running, left over toothpaste in the sink. She combs her hair quickly, carelessly.
And the mirror above the sink reveals her dreaded reflection. She traces every facial feature with her glare, finding something wrong with everything. Concentrating on her eyes...momentarily lost in deep thought. Words that have so far been just thoughts, unexpectedly pass over her lips.

 "I'm conscious of my broken heart,
And well aware of my fears."
She paused...took a deep breath...
"I'm unpredictable and slightly overwhelmed,
and it's likely I may never fully trust again."
"I cry too hard, I scream too loud."
She let out a deep sigh, then shook her head.
"And...and I never sleep well..
..uhh..I second guess everything."
"And take things far too personally."
She hesitated...
"But I'm going to be okay?"
"Wait, what am I doing?"
"Trying to convince myself?"
She paused again,
Fists clenched,
Chin lowered,
Eyes welling with tears.
She took a deep breath,
And glared into the reflection of her eyes once again.
Hesitantly she spoke...
"No, I'm sure of it...."
"I'm going to be okay..."
She silently questioned herself once more.
"Yeah, I'm going to be just fine."

She shakes her flowing hair and a smile finds its way too her face. She walks away from the mirror, shuts off the lights, steps into her heels, flips her hair over her shoulder and walks out the door. Bright, warm, welcoming light hits her face. She stops on her doorstep. Deep breath...welcoming the fresh air. She takes it all in. Happiness still plastered to her face, she walked down the street confidently for the first time since he'd left.


In with the Old

A majority of my writing binder from high school is missing.... Which absolutely breaks my heart.
Everything I wrote from tenth grade up until the summer after senior year was in there.
Most things were written in my creative writing class- With the most inspiring teacher I've ever had.
She was a hippie, full blown. Dread locks and rockin' attitude. She made an ever lasting impression on my life.
Anyhow, a few loose sheets from my binder were on the top shelf of my closet, which was a nice surprise. I decided I'd share some old pieces, simply because I'm so upset about my binder, and I haven't read this stuff in years.

Adulterous attempts failed.
Devouring my emotions like Sundays brunch, undeserving.
Imperial chances, given far too many times.
But still, I just brushed off disgust.
I knew better.
Your impetuous bursts--
No longer found tolerable.
And I walked....
The house, I tried to make a home....
Never well enough.
One night stands-
Keeping you satisfied....
But you had to have me,
Idle on the side.
Vacant hearted. 
Emotions no longer counting.
Promises no longer fulfilled.
Latent adulterous success. 
I'm still idle.
One night stand- turned affair.
But, I'm still idle...
Imperial chance followed by imperial chance.
But that's okay.
I walked.... silently....
Your words screaming regret.
Your actions reaking of your intent. 
Nights alone...
Well, not your nights.
Mine - unaccompanied. 
This house's heat-
Cranked up.
But somehow...
Still cold...
A heart- emotion filled.
...Yet empty.
Idle on the side. Vacant hearted. 
Emotions screaming stay...
Head screaming GET THE HELL OUT!
Full of disgust, but it's okay.
I'll brush it off.
Words screaming regret!
Actions screaming "I meant it".
This time, I'll walk..
                               December 31st, 2007

I have a few more pieces I'll be adding in the days to come. Maybe another later tonight.
As always I'm open to any constructive criticism. Thanks for reading guys.
Its always interesting to look back at things I wrote so many years ago!


Wednesday, June 20, 2012

A city so full of life..

What an inspiring city.
A constant flow of people swarm the streets, feet constantly pounding the sidewalks.
The chatter from outdoor patios makes me smile.
It reminds me of a scene from Sex in the City.
Groups of girl friends laughing and talking, enjoying lunch.
I find it simply inspiring.
Eclectic shops line city streets.
A place where there is always something to do, or something new to see.
I think I was meant for big city's like this. 
It reminded me how much I miss Nashville.

Sunday, we woke up and headed to Navy Pier.
I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was more then excited.
The sun heated our backs as we made our way from the expensive parking garage to the pier.
We walked one end to the other.
Baby bear even walked--No stroller.
Perhaps we somewhat regret that choice...
but he felt proud and made most of the voyage like a big boy!
The water, the boats, the city was everything I hoped it would be.
When we got to the end, an ambulance and firetruck were on scene helping someone out.
I think this was baby bears favorite part.

Needless to say it was a Father's Day well spent and we all had a great time!
It is without a doubt something I would do again.
Before we left, we rode the giant ferris wheel.
Baby bear was fearless and loved every minute of it.
I... well let's just say wasn't exactly thrilled when we got to the top.
The view however was worth every second of anxiety the height caused.
Simply breathtaking. 

We originally planned on heading back to Michigan afterwords, but decided to stay an extra night.
The sun and the heat wore us all out.
The remainder of Sunday was spent on the couch relaxing...
Much, much needed relaxing.
Monday came before we knew it.
We all sullenly said our goodbye's.
Soldier man headed to work.
Baby bear and I spent the morning cleaning and packing up.
We filled the tank and hit the road.
I was sad to be passing through Chicago one more time, this time on the way out.
The city never ceases to amaze me.
The gas prices however, are not as thrilling.
That's right, $70 bucks to fill up my Nitro.
I dread every penny that goes into the gas tank, but the trip was worth it.
We had a blast.
I miss Chicago already.
After being in a city so full of life for almost two weeks...
Plain old Michigan seems like a slow - painful death.
See ya soon Chicago!


Saturday, June 16, 2012

Fire flies and Chicago skies

I'm standing outside, between two buildings--sidewalks cut between the grass.
The perfect summer breeze makes my hair dance, and I see fireflies for the first time in years.
I hear the train plow down the tracks. Airplanes coming, airplanes going-cluttering the sky.
I step inside, pull up the blinds. Big city feel right outside your window.
People coming, people going. The bus lets off, straight ahead on the street.
Constant. Coming. And. Going.
I silence the lights. Lay down on the old brown couch and close my tired eyes.
The train howls. The planes still fly. I hear it perfectly, as if still outside.
Eyes closed, and I still see the fireflies. I feel secure. Alone, but secure. What a rare feeling.
They say the city is dangerous. Filled with crime and hate.
It's beautiful. Perfect sounds. Perfect feel.
I don't see 42 murders overnight. 
I see fireflies, trains and planes and perfect. Just perfect.
The air silences. It's quiet. No trains, no planes. The sidewalks are empty and the sky dark.
((photo by me. Thank you instagram))

"Daddy where are you?"
And my heart sinks.
I know this is what I will hear when we return.
Michigan bound tomorrow.
He will miss you.
I will miss you.
No longer close enough to O'Hare to hear the planes.
Trains wont shackle down the tracks close enough to recognize.
But for now I silence my heavy heart.
Once again, I am where I want to be.
I'm standing outside, between two buildings--sidewalks cut between the grass.
The perfect summer breeze makes my hair dance, and I see fireflies for the first time in years.
I hear the train plow down the tracks. Airplanes coming, airplanes going-cluttering the sky.
I step inside, pull up the blinds. Big city feel right outside your window.

((photo cred:

Before we leave tomorrow, we will be admiring Navy Pier.
Check back tomorrow for my update and pictures I'm sure.
Until next time, Big Windy City, Until next time.

All my love,

Many things I am, some things I am not.

I am undoubtedly in love with words, intrigued by intelligence and absorbed with curiosity. I will follow a hunch until all hope has died and my heart has let go. I will ride the waves of unconditional love until...well...until.... Just until. I do not subscribe to luck. Fate however, that's a different story. Many things I am... some things I am not.

I am a hopeless lover. A dreamer with no limits. A mother with all that I have.
I am not however, someone who desires the approval of a room full of judgment.
I have seen so much these last few years.
I have witnessed death at young ages. Lost friends to unforgiving tragedies. Watched friends loose their minds, fighting wars they believed in, and friends loosing lives, doing the same.
Life is simply short. Too short.
If I lived for approval, I would never live at all.

We can choose to live our lives in judgment of others, or we can choose to truly live our lives.
You are put on this planet for such a short period of time. Concern yourself with the most rewarding things in life. Help someone. Change something. Stand up for something you believe in.... But do these things free of them without seeking reward or recognition. Do it because it speaks volumes about your character... Or possibly do it without reason, without rhyme, and without explanation.

It is simply to easy to wake up in the morning and seek the wrongs of others. It is far too simple minded of us to look to others for their faults. Spend an entire day finding the beauty in ugly situations, seek only the good in people, look for the positive in negative situations. I promise it will be much easier to lay your head down at night and truly rest. In a world full of negative, YOU can be the positive. If you're asking me why... I'm asking you...Why not?
The world is full of hate, and war, and violence and anger. People are fighting battles you know nothing about, and you still want to seek the bad...point it out? For what? Who does that help, and what does that change? Seeking the ugly in others, does not make you beautiful.
In fact, It mostly makes you ignorant.


Character is defined as the "mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual."
What does your character say about you