Friday, June 17, 2011

Marriage and Divorce

Love is such a crazy emotion. It is a constant rollarcoaster, and I can only dream of finding someone willing to constantly enjoy the ride with me. I simply love to love.. I find it to be one of the most impowering things a person can have....true love. The kind of love that never holds back, and never gives up.

Now don't get me wrong, I have come to learn, that sometimes love has to give up. Sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away. I believe that everyone is meant for someone. And if we stay too long with someone who we are not meant to be with, could we possibly miss out on THE ONE? I believe there is more then one demension to love.

My grandparents are in their late 80s. They married at eighteen. For the duration of my marriage I envied this kind of marriage. I hoped that I too would be their age, still married. But I think somethings happen in our lives, that broaden our view. My marriage and now my divorce have opened my eyes. My grandparents seem miserable. They constantly bicker. My grandma often tells people she should of married someone else. I often respond with "It's kind of late now, your old and grey and that person probobly already kicked the bucket. Be thankful you can be old and grey and miserable together instead of alone." For most of my life I have thought I wanted their kind of love... The kind that withers away decades together, and never gives up. I wished the world was still in a "50's mind set", where divorces never happened. But the truth is, now that I have witnessed a failed marriage (first hand), I don't want what they have. I actually fancy the fact that divorce is acceptable. I think it's nessicarry in todays world.

We can forever live with the person we marry...and grow old together, miserable about the life we had, or we can be strong, independant people, and know that we deserve to be happy! Sometimes in marriage, trust and communication are broken. The one person we thought we could always depend on and trust, proves us wrong. And I don't want to live my entire life doubting the person I share everything with. I would much rather gather up my emotions, my trust, my heart, and my life and move on. I would much rather find someone I never have to resent, then forever live a life of wonder and doubt. I feel like everyone is meant for someone. And if we invest ourselves in a marriage where we are not happy, and do not feel secure, then we are missing out on THAT SOMEONE.

I think marriage is sacred. It is a beautiful bond between two people. The vows you speak may just be the most important words you will ever say. But at the end of the day, people change, people make mistakes and people take wrong turns. Some things forever dampen those vows, and forever change the dynamic of a relationship. And I think there is a giant difference between leaving a relationship because you just feel like giving up, and leaving a relationship because you won't ever again be happy there. I think too often people make careless mistakes when it comes to marriage and love.
-People leave because they don't feel like putting the effort in. -Mistake.
-People stay and forever hope to find happiness in an unhappy situation. -Mistake.

I think marriage is something you have to constantly work at. But it should never feel like work. When you love someone enough to spend the rest of your life with them, you won't ever have to doubt your comittment. I know there is someone in the world who will love me, exactly as I am. They won't ever make me doubt myself, or their comittment to me. That's the kind of marriage I want. I want to spend my life with someone... Someone who will be there beside me when I need them most, and won't ever leave me alone to fight the big challenges. If I am constantly wondering if you will be beside me when I need you most, or wondering if you will betray me, or lie to me, I don't feel like I am living a happy and successful marriage.

I never want to feel insecure in a marriage. I have for some time had a fear of being left, and I think that has played a big role in my life. I want to find someone who will embrace my fears and help me over come them...Not someone who will play on my fears for their own satisfaction. I want to learn from all my mistakes, and I want someone beside me who will help me continue to learn as we go. Life is a constant lesson, and I think if you can find someone just as willing to learn and grow, you have found something worth keeping.

Overall, I think I have come to accept divorce as sometimes nessicarry. Something I have forever feared and dreaded can now be viewed as a blessing in SOME situations. Sometimes we fall in love, and sometimes we fall apart. There is nothing wrong with that. I think it is more important to be thankful for the time we had, and learn what we need to learn, then to forever stay somewhere we cannot be completely happy. Because at the end of the day, if you're not happy, how can your other half be happy? It is a vicious cycle, and we can either choose to continue it, or we can continue to fake it. And if you ask me, life is far to short to be anything less then happy. And I not only don't want to fake it to make it, but I would never want to be with someone who has to fake it.

The best gift we can give ourselves is happiness.
The best gift we can give someone we love is happiness.
Sometimes that means parting ways.

As Always,

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