Baggage

It's so hard to be yourself in a world full of let down.
Being vulnerable is impossible.
I refuse to tear down walls, that feel so nessicary.
I fear break down, I fear let down, I fear people.
How can you survive when you're so full of fear?
I want to love.
But I know I'll first have to trust....
And trusting doesn't come easy.

My entire life I have jumped in head first...
Fears and worries were packed away like old treasures.
I never bother to unpack.
I've lived out of an emotional suitcase for quite some time.
But now, these fears and worries hang politley in my closet.
Their the only clothes I own.
I resentfully wear them everyday.
I wish I could pack them away like old treasures..
But I need them. I need them to protect me, and to keep me safe from the world.

The pain of my past has controlled me, consumed me, conqured me.
I want to break free.
But how do you escape from all you have ever known?

I feel as though I am being cheated out of so many things.
And I'm cheating myself.
I'm holding myself back.
Fear has overcome me.
I want to trust.
I want to love.


I wish these issues would turn to scars.
I'm okay with scars.
Scars say "I have healed but I am forever changed."
Instead, I'm left with open wounds.
I'm okay with being changed...
I'm okay with remembering what the past has taught me,
I'm even okay with the occasional reminder that having a scar will bring.
But open wounds continue to bleed...
and I just want to heal.

"As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a girl will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda woulda, buckle up and just keep going." -C.B.

But, the question is....How do you let go?





Yours Truley.