Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Life is a Story...

I live to tell a good story. Afterall, isn't life all about who you have become, what you have accomplished and what you have given back to the world?

I live to tell a good story...
But what if my story ends up being a tragic mess?
What if I'm lost, and my story feels dead stopped...somewhere between failing and failed.
My story seems to be a series of events I have shelved, to do some other day.
Some other day, when the time was right, and it was my turn to be, to succeed, to achieve.
What if someday never finds me?
I constantly struggle, wondering if I will ever be all that I have dreamed.
I wonder just how good my story will become....

I feel as thought, I have, for quite some time put my life on hold.
And it has not been for nothing, but for the most part, it has not been for ME.
I have put myself on hold for other peoples hopes, others dreams, and most importantly others needs.
I can't say that I mind. It is who I am. I would gladly help another, at no benefit to myself.
But today, I would like to help myself.
I would like my story to be solid, and strong.
I would like it to be inspirational and entertaining.
Afterall, no one likes to read a boring story.

I drempt as a young girl my story would entail marriage, and chidren...a big family.
Most importantly a happy family.
I wanted to be someones wife, and someones mother. I wanted to make people happy.
I drempt of this amazing family that was strong as steel.
I never hoped to be twenty one, divorcing, and single parenting my one year old.
But sometimes we have to go through bad times to arrive in beautiful places..
And now I patiently wait..
I'm waiting to wake up and look out my window and find the beauty.
I need the sun to shine again.

Now, yes, I am well aware I must make the sun shine.
Things like this do not just happen on their own.
But give me time. I will get there.
For now, I am somewhat comfortable in the mush.
I needed this time to find peace and closure...
To quit blaming feel like a failure...
And then to self-realize I have forever done all I could.
I may have failed...
But it was not by was not by fault..and I will not feel guilty.

The sun will shine again.
I will find beauty, amidst my mush...
I will tell a good story.


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