In May I will be starting some classes. I'm actually very excited. It is nice to be able to focus on myself for the first time in a very long time. I don't mean that selfishly either. It's not that I am resentful for what I invested in my marriage or my husband...I am just glad to be able to invest in myself now.
In 11th grade, I left high school to move with my (then boyfriend, now...ex husband to be) to stay with him in TN for the year prior to his Iraq deployment. When he left, I moved back to Michigan and finished my last year of high school. When I graduated high school he came home. When he came home, I left my full time job, my college dreams, and my family to be with him...to get married...to support his every dream. I never once regret it. I never once hated my choice.
But I do think it's time I do something to support MY dreams.
I spent the majority of that relationship being under appreciated and overly obsessed with making everyone else happy. I would of sacrificed my soul to see him smile. What I never saw, was how my self esteem and self worth was slowly being chipped away at. I think when you put so much of yourself into someone else, and receive so little appreciation back, you compromise your very being. Being on the outside, looking in now, I can see just how long it's been since I've been myself. There are so many things about myself, that I never got to be in that relationship. I truly missed me. It seems almost delusional to say, but it's never felt so good to be me.
I spent my entire marriage trying to live up to standards. "What a good house wife would do", What he wanted, what made his job easier, what made his life easier, what made him happier, what made him succeed, what was good for him, what was good for the army...
I never once had the self esteem, or drive to worry about what made ME happy, or what would make ME succeed.
I will forever be a person who puts other before myself. I will never stop living to make others laugh and smile. I will never care more about myself, then the people I love and care about....but I will remember to take care of myself. I think we take better care of others, when we remember to take care of ourselves.
And there is nothing I love more then to see the people who mean the most to me, happy, smiling, and laughing. So from now on.... I'm just as important to myself, as those people are to me. <3
Ok, enough for tonight. I miss blogging more often. I promise to get back to this. I still have so much I want to say, but as usual I'm sorting out my thoughts.
Stay Classy America, Ireland, Israel, Germany, Afghanistan, India, Serbia & Russia.That's right, I checked my stats...I have readers in all those places. Kinda crazy huh?
Anyways, I love you all. Across the world... <3