I have come to realize I am thankful for something rather unexpected. I am thankful for this deployment. The deployment was not unexpected, but me being thankful for it was! Now, don't get me wrong, if I could have forgone this deployment, I gladly would have, however I have learned some things!
My husband and I have been together on and off (mostly on) since I was fourteen! I think I have spent a lot of time in these years depending on him. I depended on him for support, and for comfort, for doing the "manly" things, for pretty much everything. He has been nothing short of my rock since the day we met. I have also forgotten about myself in these years. I have taken up a liking to all of my husbands hobbies, and joys, and forgotten to be myself. My husband fell in love with POKER in Iraq. When he came home, I learned his game of choice and enjoyed it (most of the time). My husband has been a hockey fanatic since he was a child. I have never watched sport. NEVER... but I now too love the Red Wings and am somewhat of a FANATIC myself. But as for me? I have not yet found the little joys of my life....
UNTIL THIS DEPLOYMENT.
My grandma has a curio cabinet in her living room. I have admired it since I was a little girl. All of the pretty little nic-nacks have fascinated me for as long as I can remember. Being back in MI, I have gone to see my grandma a few times, and still I admire this eclectic collection of treasures. I searched online for some treasures, and have fallen in love with Swarovski Crystals. One day, I too will have a cabinet full of beautiful treasures on display to be admired.
I have come to love myself during this deployment. I have learned I can survive on my own. I am self-sufficent, and I can problem solve without consulting my husband. This is in no way saying I have realized I don't need him, or that I don't still love the things I have come to love because of him. I am just proud to say I have realized to appreciate things for myself, and come to realize I no longer need to dwell on having someone to help me along the way. I am so greatful for this time. I have realized to only appreciate those who appreciate me. I have found independance, and I have stood on my own two feet for the first time in my entire life.
If nothing else has come from this deployment, an appreciation for who I AM, has surly developed. I have faced challenges I didn't even know existed. I have solved problems alone, I would have turned to him for help with, I have found a love for something of my own. I have grown as a person, as a mother, and as a wife.
I have learned more about myself in the last 6 months, then I have in the last 6 years, and for that, deployment, I THANK YOU.
Oh a lower note, I hate you deployment. I hate you for the time, the distance, and the lack of communication. I hate you for taking him so far away, for giving me gray hairs of worry, and for the things he has missed.
However, today I am being thankful, and I am thankful for the growth, change, and adventure you have caused. So today I say this deployment, THANK YOU. Thank you for allowing me to grow, and appreciate my husband in a light I never before would have. Thank you for allowing me a chance to stand on my own, and be strong by myself. Thank you for the triumphs I have achieved because of you. Thank you for sucking so bad, that you have made me stronger.
In a way, I am glad this deployment has been so down right- SHITTY. I am glad it has thrown every single curve ball. I am glad I had my first surgery alone, my car was hit, my child gave me hell, my feelings were hurt, my eyes were heavy, and my heart was tried. Okay, I'm not really GLAD for any of that, but I'm really glad for the outcome, and the strength overcoming these things has given me.
It's almost Thanksgiving. I'm in the holiday mood, and I'm thankful for a lot this morning. I hope everyone out there is finding simple little things to be thankful for.