By far one of the most personal, and most important pieces out of my high school writing binder.
Although I have not found the binder itself, I found this and that makes me extremely happy.
This was written to describe the feelings I had when I first told my then-boyfriend-later husband, about an extremely painful time in my life and things that had happened to me. Prior to telling him, I had kept "the secret" from everyone. This year, more so then ever before, I have opened up about these events to a couple close people in my life. Maybe that is part of healing? Oh well.. On with it already...
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| (You can find me on Instagram @AlyAnger ) |
The Naked Truth
Layers too quickly melt away like warm wax...
And my past is exposed.
Utter embarrassment overcomes all other emotions,
And for once I am seen.
The wall I so meticulously built: Shattered.
You step over it, as if non-existent.
You welcome yourself into me. Then and Now.
Secrets spilled across the table like common dinner chit-chat.
Embarrassments whispered in the dark of bed.
You don't give me the chance to hold back.
You strip me of the layers I created to hide everything..
Everything you now see.
Puddles of the past surround us,
Puddles I fear are too deep for you to step through.
My own experiences, give you vivid dreams of things I wish you'd never seen.
And I suddenly feel the awkwardness of sitting naked in front of a stranger.
The feeling of needing to cover everything private-
Only we're fully dressed, and you're no stranger.
I feel the need to hide the guilt of what has happened...
But you strip me of the blankets, and wipe away my tears.
You stare into my eyes, the eyes I wish I could have hid.
Glaring at the memories I try so hard to blur.
Shaking, naked-cold...
The memories spew out with tears.
I can't hold it in any longer,
You stripped away my barrier,
Knocked down my wall..
It's hard to hold it in.
Secret after secret stripped from my suppressed memory.
Slowly, they pour out with utter disgust.
I start to feel dirty, sick....
Almost violated all over again.
I feel the need to hide from you.
Not just you, the entire world,
and especially the truth.
Build the all back up, and step out please.
Redress me.
I need the comfort, bury the past.
This never happened.
You know nothing.
-- aa
